With a title and premise like this, it’s unnecessary to
write an introduction. I’m just gonna let my hate flow.
5. Clint Capela
Okay, so before I plunge deep into this list, let me be
clear about one commonality with each player on this list: the better they are,
the more likely I hate them. Take Clint Capela, who used to be a late-round nobody
drafted by the Rockets. Early in his career, I didn’t dislike him. I had no
reason to. In fact, I kind of liked him because I delighted in laughing at him
when he would snatch an offensive rebound against my beloved Warriors, miss the
putback, and then inevitably brick the subsequent free throws when he shot less
than 40% from the charity line.
But he’s gotten better over the years. A lot better. Earlier
this season, his stats looked like All-Star material. But I can’t stand Capela
because he’s basically a volleyball player playing basketball. On offense, his
only two talents are crashing the offensive boards with his size and length and
rolling or hanging around the basket for alley-oops. Capela is basically an
oversized pogo stick with long arms adept at grabbing a ball in mid-air and
throwing it through a hoop when it is spoonfed to him by players who have honed
far superior basketball skills than him. As a 5’8 has-been with average athletic
ability at best, I find it deplorable to watch a player like Capela with his
uncanny combination of size, strength, agility, and speed excel at a simplistic
skill that is akin to the soaring slam dunks I can throw down on my toddler’s goddamn
fucking toy basketball hoop.
And one last note on Capela: it looks like he got shit on by
a pigeon with a nacho cheese diet. It’s a bad look, guy. Bad look. Makes you look stupid. (Oh wait, you probably are.)
