My Dying Wishes

Written April 3, 2005 (at age 25)


This should be pretty simple: if doctors—especially court-appointed ones (if it were ever to come to that)—find that I am cognizant and mentally capable of making rational decisions for myself, than allow me to make whatever decisions I want with my life. If I’m found to be in a state where I am not conscious and able to make coherent decisions, where my life can only be prolonged with the use of breathing or feeding machines and there is no chance of recovery, then I do not want to be kept alive. I strongly believe this is not true living, so I’d rather join the dead.

I am largely indifferent about my remains (because, you know, I’d be dead). Since my parents brought me into this world, they have every right to bury and mourn my death in whichever way they see fit. If my parents are not alive to make this decision, I give my sister, Mariana, the right to take care of my remains. If she is not available for this, then next in line would be my sister, Carmen. From there, fuck, let anyone who comes forward with the desire to take care of my carcass have the power (no necrophiliacs, though!)

Some tips, though, as to how I’d like my remains to be disposed of:

Ode to Pantera Dude

Dear Pantera Dude,

Do you remember me?, because I remember you. You were a white boy. About seventeen or eighteen—my age back then. I vaguely remember you had long bleach-blond hair and blue eyes. And you wore Doc Martens, and I think a lot of dark clothing. Our Catholic parental units signed us up for a confirmation class at Santa Paula Parish. I attended the weekly evening class with my sister, who I think you may have had a crush on. That could explain why you hung around us, toward the back pews furthest from our elderly teachers. I remember you sat behind us, or sometimes next to me (I think).

Here’s why I remember you: you brought either a Walkman or a Discman to our confirmation class and played Pantera’s Vulgar Display of Power, and, on a few occasions, you let me listen through your headphones and it was FUCKING AWESOME. I had never heard Pantera before. I was just beginning to purposefully listen to alternative rock, which, in time, served as my gateway to a galaxy of rock bands and musical genres in the years and decades to come. But thanks to you, I became familiar with Pantera’s powerful, heavy, testosterone-driven brand of groove metal from listening to songs like “Hollow” and “Walk” in the Lord’s house.

My Top Five Favorite Warriors (of this Dynastic Run)

I’ve wanted to write this for a while. Since at least last season. With Kevin Durant’s imminent departure, with Andre Iguodala (a.k.a. Iggy) and Shaun Livingston (a.k.a. S Dot) nearing retirement, it was clear that some seismic changes were in store for my beloved Warriors. And the present Golden State Warriors hardly resemble the great squads we’ve had in the recent past. Steph Curry—The Pipsqueak Fundamental—is out with a broken hand. Klay, the second Splash Brother, is rehabilitating from a torn ACL. Iggy was traded to Memphis to create salary cap space to add D’Angelo Russell and his max contract, and Livingston retired after managing to play 17 years in the NBA.

Nothing lasts forever. Impermanence is the only constant, but I want to put down my five favorite Warriors from this historic run. This is basically my ode to them (and probably my ultimate act in sports fandom to date).

#5 - Andrew Bogut
First, a couple of things to know about me:

1. In team sports, my fandom gravitates toward teams who play outstanding defense. For example, when I used to watch football, I loved teams with a physical, hard-nosed, and unreleting defensive identity far more than teams with a flashy, high-scoring offense. I admired teams with punishing defenses that imposed their will on their opponents.
2. I generally have a weak spot for assholes.

So of course I loved Andrew Bogut.

2019-2020 NBA Season Predictions

The 2019-2020 NBA regular season lifts off this Tuesday! It’s going to be quite an intriguing season, but first, let’s zoom back to the NBA Finals because some NBA-landscape-altering shit went down in that series. Then-Warrior Kevin Durant, one of the greatest scorers of all-time, a player who briefly seized the title of Greatest Basketball Player Alive before his injury in the Warriors vs. Rockets series, tore his Achilles tendon in Game 5 of the Finals, which will keep him out until the 2020-2021 NBA season. And then, Klay Thompson, the Iron Man of the Warriors dynasty, tore his ACL in Toronto’s close-out game, which will presumably keep him out of action until the All-Star Break in mid-February 2020. For the first time in four seasons, the Warriors aren’t the prohibitive favorites to hoist the Larry O’Brien Championship trophy. After an offseason in which nearly half of the NBA’s players were free agents, a total of 9 teams—by my count—have legitimate championship aspirations if the ball bounces their way (see what I did there?): the Clippers, Lakers, Nuggets, Rockets, Jazz, Warriors out West, and the Sixers, Bucks, and Celtics in the East.

Rather than project the 1-8 playoff seeds for each conference like I have in years past, I’m gonna change shit up and break down my predictions for conference playoff teams into three tiers: the Cream of the Crop (in Macho Man parlance, or the top-3 seeds), Middlers (not to be confused with the Urban Dictionary term), and Low-Hanging Seeds (bottom-two seeds).

Here we go.

Soundtrack for Ballad of a Slopsucker

Two Soundgarden songs. A song from the singer I would have loved to make it out with more than any other. Two film theme songs. My all-time favorite metal instrumental. A song from my homeboy de Arequipa. An iconic 90s rap song straight outta Oakland. This is the soundtrack for my short story collection.

Justo
“Mailman” – Soundgarden
 

A Pedestrian Question
“Theme from Ghost World” – David Kitay

El Cenote
“De Cara a la Pared” – Lhasa de Sela

Shit I’ve Learned About Wyoming (Part Two)

photo by Juan Alvarado Valdivia

Thanks to the good folks at the Ucross Foundation, I was blessed with an opportunity to visit Wyoming a second time. I learned a lot about the The Equality or Cowboy State on my first trip back in the winter of 2016, and I learned some more this time around.

Our Favorite Baby Care Products and Doodads

Over two years ago, when Maria was very pregnant with our son, I strode around our local Target store picking up stuff for our homestead. After I picked up all the things on our list, I walked over to their Baby section. Once I stepped in off of the main aisle, I remember feeling like an invisible boundary had been crossed. It was my first time there—ever. I peered around, mostly with curiosity, but also with some trepidation. I understood the cribs and strollers just fine, but there was an assortment of products that I was completely unfamiliar with. I remember feeling daunted when I strolled down the aisle with shelves stacked high with diapers. I didn’t understand the numbers on the boxes, or the distinction between regular diapers and “nighttime” diapers, or the difference between diapers for “cruisers” or “swaddlers.” (To be honest, that one still befuddles me.) It felt like I had entered some new sub-world.

In the two years (plus some change) Maria and I have been parents, we’ve come across a number of items that have really truly helped us through. Most have simply made our 21st century lives easier, but there are some that I don’t know how we would have done without. Like taking inventory, I thought it could be fun and useful to give a shout out to these wondrous gadgets and products, especially for those embarking upon this wild frontier for the first time.

For Toots & Poops

WaterWipes

Maria and I have learned A LOT about our special little guy, including that he has fairly sensitive skin. Early on, he was getting a bunch of diaper rashes even though we were responsive in changing his diaper after poops and thoroughly cleaning him. At first, we were using standard baby wipes, which are typically scented with chemicals, but then Miguelito developed a painful bacterial diaper rash. A doctor recommended we use water to spray him clean, then dry with a cloth, which eventually healed his rash. Then, a pack of WaterWipes came with a compostable diaper service we tried out, and they worked great. They are not cheap, but they’ve been worth it for us.

For similar reasons, the A+D Diaper Rash Cream has been our go-to ointment since we switched to it. We started out using Boudreaux's Butt Paste Diaper Rash Ointment and Desitin Maximum Strength to treat Miguelito’s diaper rashes, but we found that his rashes responded better to A+D cream. (We also started using more generous portions, thanks to a pediatrician’s advice.) Ever since we switched to A+D coupled with WaterWipes, our little guy has never had another terrible diaper rash.